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"I believe you are smiling, sir." "Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehehehe..."--the guys on Spice World (yes, I saw that, but only because Katrina wanted me to. It actually wasn't that bad...) "If they want to be spontaneous, they'll have to clear it with me first!"--guy from Spice World "Excuse me, I must have been asleep when the Village People took over the police station."--guy on Law & Order "'1998 AD.' They're afraid I might come 2000 years before the birth of Christ."--guy from "Sports Night" "Now why didn't I think of that? Oh yeah, because IT'S SUICIDE!"--from "A Bug's Life" "And to top it off, my daughter is in love with Death!"--the guy on "Meet Joe Black" "That's tennis, you mental patient!"--from "Sports Night" "If anyone needs me, I'll just be throwing myself out the window."--from "Sports Night" "Oh look, two sports reporters. Very convenient, since we're just about to do a sports show."--from "Sports Night" "Justice? I thought this was a court of law?"--the guy from "A Civil Action" (that movie sucked, by the way...) "It could have been worse, he could have shot her."--Chandler, from "Friends" (I loved how he said this line) "Hey man, where's your sense of humor? Apparently you had it surgically removed at a young age."--guy from "Full House" "Excessive happiness? Like that's a bad thing?"--Patch Adams "You should have called as soon as you got off the plane." "Gee, why didn't I think of that when I was unconscious and BLEEDING FROM THE HEAD?"--from "Forces of Nature" "Will you not rap about a bagel?"--a guy in Freaky Friday talking to that guy who was always rapping "Hey, I just realized something. You're boring, and my legs work."--Finch from Just Shoot Me "Yes, Chandler, you have homosexual hair."--Phoebe from Friends "The show must...well, you know." "Go on!"--from Shakespeare in Love "How?" "I don't know. It's a mystery."--what everyone kept saying in Shakespeare in Love "Gentlemen upstage ladies downstage are you a lady Mr. Kent?"--the Mercutio guy from Shakespeare in Love "So in the words of A.A. Milne, get out of my chair, dillhole."--Chandler "Hi, welcome to an adult conversation."--Ross "Gee, I better not do any...LUNGES!"--Joey (all three of the above were from the same episode, I thought I should say...) "I'm after saying feck to Bishop Brennan."--Ted, on Father Ted (I absolutely _worship_ that show, and it really, really sucks that Dermot Morgan died because if he hadn't we'd have more episodes! Damnit, why can't any of the good Britcoms (or Irish-coms, as this is) come to America?) "It's like a big rabbit rock festival!"--Dougal from Father Ted "SHUT THE FECK UP!"--Jack from Father Ted "FECK OFF CUP!"--Jack again (he has a limited vocabulary, all he can say are "drink", "feck", "arse", and "That would be an ecumenical matter." ^^;;;;;) Dougal: (referring to the rabbit) I think Father Jack wants a drink. Jack: Drink? Ted: How about some water? (also referring to the rabbit) Jack: WATER? FECK! (from THE BEST Father Ted episode ever, "The Plague") "Oops, I'm just after falling down the stairs!"--Ted, also from the episode, "The Plague" "NUNS! REVERSE! REVERSE!"--Jack in his wheelchair, running away from some nuns Ted: Let's call Father Jack something else, like...Flipper. That's it. Flipper the Priest. Jack: Yes? (yep, you guessed it, that's from Father Ted) "God, Ben, I'm such an eejit. I put the shorts...on me head!"--Brendan, Father Ted "Down with this sort of thing!" "Careful now!"--Ted and Dougal protesting "I rule."--Lester, American Beauty "Yeah, it was the sound of you being a huge disgusting pig."--Jane, American Beauty "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to America's Weirdest Home Videos."--Ricky, American Beauty "How did that gobshite get on television?"--this is a pretty long sentence for Father Jack "When Katherine Harris comes out lookin' like Drackala..."--a guy on Saturday Night Live impersonating Jesse Jackson (now you know why Mom and I say "drackala" all the time...it's actually Dracula, I'm just spelling it how it's pronounced) "Tuesdaywednesdaythursday! Tuesdaywednesdaythursday! NBA...is in da house...tuesdaywednesdaythursday!"--a guy on SNL impersonating Al Sharpton (this was friggin' HILARIOUS at the time...god love Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton and their respective impersonators) "You hear that? The consumptives plot against me. 'Will Shakespeare has a play, let us go and cough through it.'"--from Shakespeare in Love (I got the screenplay of that, yayeeee...) "But there's food, and there are people, and there's...a burger with a face..."--Lorelei, from the Gilmore Girls (I love that show...and Dean is so cute, but then so is Lane...it is too bad Rory broke up with him, though, I really hope she doesn't start dating Tristan because he's a jerk and I'm rambling now, aren't I?) "Dick Cheney. Big ol' butt. One Denny's Grand Slam away from dead."--Darrell Hammond as Jesse Jackson again (LOVE HIM LOVE HIM!) "Where do you find the ears of a grasshopper?" "On a Libertarian."--the host of Hollywood Squares and Kermit the Frog "What did the writers of the Declaration of Independence fail to do until four years after they had written it?" "Spell-check it."--Kermit on Hollywood Squares again "AAAAAAAAHH!" "Oh, are they that bad, Father?" "Oh no, I was just, ehm, remembering a scary film."--Father Ted and Mrs. Doyle (and you thought I was finished with the Father Ted quotes...muahahaha.) "Ooh, why's it doing that? It's doing that because you pressed something funky!" "I pressed nothing funky." "You have the funk, my friend."--Lorelei and Michel (Gilmore Girls again) trying to figure out the computer "I need the hatrack." "The fish flies at night."--Emily calling Lorelei, who thought she was a spy (or something...also Gilmore Girls) "Dorsal fins and cucamonga."--Lorelei "Bill, you believe that consenting adults can do whatever they want as long as it doesn't hurt anybody, right?" "Are you hitting on me?"--Bill Maher and a guy on his show (heheheh...IloveBill...) "It could be a person. But it's not. A log is not a boat."--Bill on stem cells (gotta say I agree with him on this one) "Whoa, what if the Beatles were in a Volkswagen Beetle? It'd be like 'I wanna hold your farfignugen...'"--Jimmy Fallon as Robin Williams (hey...I heard he did a skit where he played Nader, anyone have any idea what episode that was? They should do a Politically Incorrect skit, Jimmy could play Bill...) "Oh, the media is just _terrible,_ but not me, Stone. They're out there, but I'm in here because I'm Stone, I'm one of you."--Bill-san on how Stone Phillips interacts with the Levys "Are you on DRUGS?"--Bill Maher on Politically Incorrect, to some crazy Republican lady who wouldn't shut up "Well, I've given him two months. But now I've confirmed my suspicions, that the only difference between George W. Bush and a bag of manure is the bag."--Bill Maher (not his exact words...but man, I LOVE this guy! He's so cool! And we agree on a lot of things, like legalizing prostitution and marijuana. Bill Maher for President, everybody!) "I didn't _lose_ my job, it's not like, oops, where'd my job go? I QUIT."--Lester, from American Beauty "What are you talking about? I can play all different kinds of bears! Hey, check out my polar bear: I am FREEZING! IT IS COLD!"--the bear from Dr. Doolittle 2 "I cannot blend! I have a broken blender!"--the chameleon, also from Dr. Doolittle 2 (that was our in-flight movie on the way to New York) "His head is shaped like a football. If he slept in a park someone'd try to punt him."--the grandpa from The Gilmore Girls "People have been having more sex lately. They call it Apocalypse Sex, or End-of-the-World Sex, or Crisis Sex, but I just call it Armagetsome. So, what I want to know is: have you been getting Bin-Laid-en?"--Bill Maher (ack...too...many...wordplays...) "He has much knowledge." "We shall start a cult around him."--Rory and Lorelei, from the Gilmore Girls, talking about Max (I KNEW that wedding wasn't going to go through, I just KNEW it! Okay, anyway...I'm gonna start saying that "S/he has much knowledge" thing now, it's cute) "Yeah, so she 'came to my window', and we stayed up allll night talking, while I explained that I wasn't a girl."--David Spade at the Concert for NYC, talking about Melissa Etheridge (who is actually bi, but never mind, I still laughed my head off when I heard that) "Wait, what did that sign say? It said 'don't' or 'death' or something!"--Rory again "Bomb bomb bomb! Bomb-bomb-ba-bomb!"--Ben Stiller in Meet the Parents (heh, I watched that movie and I kept going "IT'S ZOOLANDER!" Yeah, I watch too much VH1...) "Jackson grows fruits and then he scares people with them."--Lorelei (Gilmore Girls) on Jackson (hehe, I like him! He's actually one of my favorite minor characters...but then, there are very few Gilmore Girls characters I dislike. Just maybe Tristan and Headmaster Charleston and the Puffs...I even kind of like Paris a little, although she has no life) "What are you apologizing for? It's not your fault." "I don't know, for not telling you about this rehearsal thing...and that No Doubt is touring with U2, I know you're very disappointed about that."--Dean and Rory (I gotta say, I was disappointed about that too...why can't they tour with someone GOOD, like Vertical Horizon? That would have been fun...*just went to a U2 concert last weekend*) "Okay, this is what my theory is, although it hasn't been totally thought out."--a guy on Politically Incorrect "Why is it that Jews never see Moses's face in a sticky bun?"--Bill Maher (after he said that I pointed at my mashed potatoes and went, "IT'S BUDDHA!" I amuse myself...) "I think he's interesting." "Compared to what?" "Compared to a mold culture?"--Andrea and Max on "The Education of Max Bickford", then me talking to the TV (as I am wont to do...) "Orly, I love you, I love your airport..."--Bill Maher to Orly, the "celebrity matchmaker". I dunno what the "airport" stuff was all about. "I have a perfect match for you." "What's his name?"--Orly to Bill (yes, more Politically Incorrectness), and then some other guy on the show to Orly. "Do you think she really does have a perfect match for Bill?" "No, because she doesn't know me yet."--Mom and I after watching that show. I'm joking, of course...I think being married to Bill would eventually cause me to hit the ceiling. (I do think he's cute, though, in a middle-aged-guy way.) "Now is not the time for partisanshipfulness."--Will Ferrell as George W. Bush "He said a potato was coming."--a guy on a mobile phone commercial (I liked this because "The potato is coming!" sounds like something I would say in one of my moments of randomness) "How is having a sale on fried chicken for Black History Month offensive? If they had a sale on bratwurst for Oktoberfest, the Germans wouldn't complain." "Yeah, but you gotta grant me this, okay...if they had a Gay Pride Week special on cucumbers, THEN we could complain."--Bill Maher on TV and then what I really would have said if Mom weren't in the room, because she'd go, "...I don't get it," and then I'd have to explain it to her. O_o "You're a vicious trollop, you're a vicious trollop..."--Lorelei to her mother back |