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"Careful boys, your ignorance is showing. Oh no, it's blinding everyone!"--Mr. V. "Hey, Mr. V., I'm going on the Washington DC trip!" "I think I'm gonna retire..."--Mr. V. talking to this guy "Hey, coach!" "What is it, benchwarmer?"--Mr. V. and another guy "The Mr. Robinson dictionary: 'Deal with it,' 'You've got issues,' and 'Children, this isn't baby math anymore.'"--me, on Mr. Robinson, the math teacher, who needs to be committed "You need some downers, man."--the student teacher, telling this to a girl named Amy whilst she was going insane "The cat's name is Punkin. Not Pumpkin, Punkin. Haven't you ever heard anyone call anything a punkin before? It's Punkin. When the prescription comes back from the vet it says P-U-N-K-I-N. Just deal with it."--Mr. Robinson, talking about his cat "Remember to bring your grammar books tomorrow, and watch out for strange squash!"--the language arts teacher "Carson, why is the computer eeping at you?" "Because...it's...a dork." "A computer can't be a dork. It's a machine, made up of hardware and software..." "Okay, Mr. Bell."--Mr. Robinson and some guy (by the way, when the guy called Mr. Robinson, Mr. Bell...Mr. Bell is the computer teacher who is a psycho) "Hello and welcome to math class, where nobody learns anything!"--Mr. Robinson "Hola! Soy Jacob! Soy dork!"--Mr. Robinson teaching Spanish (by the way, "soy" means "I am," and Jacob was a kid in the Spanish class who actually did not mind being called a dork) "He's got a solo on sandblock. SANDBLOCK! That's great, isn't it?"--the director of the honors band "Dude, no do have."--Mr. Bell "Titanic 2: The Rising. SPLASH! And the beat goes on..."--Mr. Bell "'Warriors of the Giant Eggplant', huh? Martial artists from the Midwest? 'Stop, or I'll smash that casserole!'"--Mr. Bell, commenting on my movie summary "And then we'll have to break Zac in half..."--Mr. Robinson (he's not saying what you may think he is, really!) "I can't go out there, I have allergies." "You are an allergy."--Mr. Robinson and Mr. Villareal "What are you guys doing?" "The children are failing their test."--Mr. Bell and Mr. Robinson, talking during our math test "Another bad seed in the happy valley."--Mr. Robinson (the happy valley is what he calls the city where we live) "They went to the insane asylum in Phoenix. They looked around for a while before deciding, 'Hey, you in the straitjacket!''--Abbie talking about where they got Mr. Kelly, the Spanish teacher, from "Told you he came from the insane asylum. Or at least the very-stupid-and-making-no-sense asylum."--me on Mr. Kelly "It's not like the turnip doesn't want to be next to the cabbage, so it walks away."--one of my teachers "An exponential growth curve shows numbers that keep getting higher, like the population, the number of lawsuits in Florida, the number of ballots Jeb and George Bush Sr. buried in the woods..."--my math teacher using the election to explain math stuff to us ^-^ "Oh no, she's going to derive the quadratic formula again. Everyone duck and cover."--me on my math teacher, the same one who said the stuff about Florida (deriving the quadratic formula is a big long hairy process and the teacher is very derive-happy) Librarian: So say you have a stack of books about...this high. *holding hands about ten inches apart* And that's how many, eight books? Me: Three. War and Peace, the dictionary, and Harry Potter IV. (me annoying the librarian...he actually thought that was funny) Yokoyama-sensei: Eigo no sensei no musuko desu ne. (He's the son of an English teacher, right?) Tony: *cracks up* Yokoyama: Tony-san, musuko, eigo wa? (Tony-san, how do you say "musuko" in English?) Tony: *still laughing* I have no idea. "I am the Celery Man!"--Tony (he was trying to say salaryman but he messed up) "This curry is too spicy and has a very bad taste." "Then why don't you shove it up your butt?"--me talking back to the Japanese audio practice tape when I was in a really bitter mood... "So say you have three objects. In astronomy we'd just call them 1, 2, and 3, or maybe A, B, and C. But in the other sciences they'd say 'Oh, this is a rotational calibration device and this is a chemical thermonuclear ascension mechanism and this is a, uh, proton potential thing.'"--my astronomy professor (he's cool) "If you were in one of those tribes you'd basically just follow your food around."--Dr. J (astronomy professor) again "So we see Zeus, an old guy wearing a sheet and stumbling around on this platform going 'Waaaaaaagh!'"--Dr. J "So what do the women in Greek society do? They make baby Greeks."--Dr. J "Then there's the one ride where it spins around and the floor drops out...what's that called? The Gravitron? It should be called the Centripetal Forceatron!"--Dr. J. renaming amusement park rides ^^; "The refractory period is basically this: after the man gets calmed down, how long until he can get it up again?"--Dr. Ford, my psychology teacher, being very blunt. Yeah, this is what we talk about in psychology. Fun, huh? Not for the squeamish. "Hey, write 'yoyaku'!" "Dude...that's not cool."--Aaron and Nick in Japanese class (see, it was me, Jason, and a couple other guys (I think Mike also) and we had to write whatever kanji they told us to. Yoyaku is _hard_ to write. For me, anyway. Apparently Nick would agree). "Shi-te-na-ku-ba-ku-te-wa-na-ra-ki...what the hell am I saying?"--Tony from Japanese again...yeah, what the hell _are_ you trying to say, Tony? "Maybe God isn't omni-benevolent. Maybe God's just a little kinky. Maybe God is just a twisted little monkey who likes to see us suffer."--my philosophy teacher...I think she pretty much lost the rest of her Christian students with that whole "problem of evil" thing "What kind of candy are you giving out on Halloween?" "Vegetable." "Soo desu ka?"--Yamashita-san and Luis (heh, Luis meant to say "yasui", as in cheap, but instead he said "yasai", vegetable. Man, that word gives us so many problems...) "But what if the kid you save who's drowning in the swimming pool turns out to be Little Osama? THEN what?"--philosophy teacher explaining a moral dilemma to us "Minna-san, atama ga warui desu yo! In other words, stupid."--Nick, in his group's Japanese presentation...good god, that was the FUNNIEST thing! Oh yeah, and "minna-san, atama ga warui desu yo" basically means "you guys are really stupid". Hence, what he said after. "Uh, yeah, I'm in art class...watching the teacher clean the floor...with an eraser..."--a guy in art class talking to someone on his mobile phone "Do you mind if I show them this?" "Yeah, as long as you don't tell them who it's by."--drawing teacher and Cole (the same guy in the class who said the above quote). The funny thing about this was that not only were they standing up in front of class talking about this so everyone could hear them, but the drawing that Mr. Cajero was going to show us had Cole's name on it in a really obvious place. ^-^ "You're gonna burn in purgatory."--Cole to Mr. Cajero (who, according to Cole, is burning in purgatory because he said "damn" in front of the class) "George W. Bush? He's definitely a square...no, not even that. If there were a level that's one below the square, he'd be it. He's a dot."--Kyna from art class (we were doing this classification thing where Mr. Cajero showed us an "exciting shape" and then just a regular square, and we picked people that fit under each category, like interesting people and then people who were "squares". So that's what she's talking about.) "There might be some schedule changes when we get back." "Back from where?" "Yeah, apparently we're going somewhere."--my dance teacher, then Jeremiah and Annie questioning him Sensei: Joe-san, Nick-san ni ookii koe de hanashite hoshii desu. (Joe, could you please speak to Nick in a loud (literally "big") voice." (because Nick is all the way across the room from Joe)) Joe: Um, okay...*loud voice* *at a loss for things to say* Ookii koe de hanashimasu! (I'm speaking in a loud voice!) Watashi wa keeki ga suki desu! (I like cake!) Anata wa ookii sakana! (You are a big fish!) Sensei: Use the -te hoshii structure. (the grammatical thing we were learning in class at the time, meaning "I would like you to do ____.") Joe: Oh, okay. I thought you just wanted me to talk in a big voice. *to Nick* Isu o nonde hoshii desu! (I would like you to drink a chair!) (Nick actually did pretend to be drinking the chair, by the way...we do weird things in Japanese class) "I'm looking for living conditions!" "Give me money!" "I want food!" "Where's school?" "Who has the elderly?" "Help! I can't find friendships!" "Give me your sexuality!" "I want death!" "I lost my responsibility!" "The individuality is gone!" "Someone took my innocence!" "The foreigners have been kidnapped!" "The government is gone! And so is the authority! Man, this classroom is really going to hell..."--people in anime class. Okay, this requires explanation, doesn't it? These (money, food, school, the elderly, etc.) were the possible topics for our final presentation. We did a lottery for who got to pick their topic first, and then we'd go up and write our names on the board next to our topic so in case anyone wanted to trade with us we wouldn't go around yelling...well, stuff like, "I'm looking for living conditions!" Give me money! Where are the elderly?" and such. Mr. Harvey gave us those three examples, and the rest...those were me and the other students expounding on what he said. We entertain ourselves easily... "Tori wa chizu o tabemasu." "Oishii desu ka?"--Joe and Mike putting their Japanese to good use. What they said was basically, "The bird is eating the map." "Oh, does it taste good?" Which was actually happening...the sensei brought his bird into class, and it flew around terrified for a while before landing on the map and proceeding to rip it up and eat bits of it. O_o back |