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"An Atheist is a man with no invisible means of support."--John Buchan (a man? What about female atheists, do they also have no invisible means of support?) "We'll teach you how to talk the English language a whole lot gooder."--the morning show guys on the local radio station "Hello, I'm flatlining!"--a commercial on the radio "I think this song is about walking in Arizona...it's called 'Walking on the Sun'."--a DJ on the radio "Come, return to the root of the root of yourself. You are a ruby embedded in granite."--from a Whirling Dervishes show that I saw (this was the only good part, really) "It's always the quiet ones who snap. Sure, they may act calm, but the next thing you know they'll hit you with a meat cleaver!"--Alex, some crazy guy in band "Then they went to the mall! I got in an elevator and it started to fall. There was a magic dog and a frog at the bottom. The dog and the frog jumped over a log and into a bog. Then they went home and roasted a hog. Then they roasted a frog!"--the language arts class's poems (to give you an idea of how weird we are) "This is a horrible mistake, I used all my English on my last speech!"--Roberto Begnini at the Oscars "America, land of a lot of things here!"--Roberto Begnini again (he was funny, wasn't he?) "But I don't want to go among mad people."--Alice, from Alice in Wonderland "Plain chocolate with the smashing orangey bit."--on the package of some British cookies "Mimblewimble."--Uncle Vernon, from the Harry Potter books, being scared "All right, keep your hair on."--Ron, also from Harry Potter "Hate is not a family value."--a bumper sticker we got “Mercury Crystal Power, Make Up!” “Game! Zen-zeni!” “Mercury Aqua Rhapsody!” “Game game, zeniiiiii!” “Mercury Crystal Power, Make Up!” “Zeniiiii! Zen zeni.”—my talking Mercury doll and my talking Squirtle having a conversation "He's the guy who plays flutes that he grew in his backyard in Florida."--what David Arkenstone said about his flute player at the concert of his I went to (yay!) "As soon as an Irish writer mentions orange and green, it's like wheeha!"--someone in my mom's writing workshop "Man is least himself when he talks in his own person; give him a mask and he will tell the truth."--Oscar Wilde (SO TRUE! But why always "he"?) "If Bill Gates had a penny for every time Windows crashed...oh wait, he does."--from Siglets "Where a calculator on the ENIAC is equipped with 18,000 vacuum tubes and weighs 30 tons, computers in the future may have only 1,000 vacuum tubes and weigh only 1.5 tons."--from Popular Mechanics, 1949 "Error: Sector not found. Search behind couch? Y/N."--another Siglet "C:/DOS. C:/DOS/RUN. RUN/DOS/RUN"--from Siglets "WINDOWS: Will Install Needless Data On Whole System."--from Siglets "640K should be enough for everybody."--Bill Gates in 1981 (640? HAHAHA...oh, he was serious.) "Because of my last acceptance speech, they tell me to stay the hell off the furniture."--Roberto Benigni (he should have his own show, "Crazy Italian Directors Say the Darndest Things".) "Help, there's a lunatic on our bus!"--someone on a tour bus I was on "Doing the Lambeth Walk, hey!"--the tour guide on that bus "One of the principal functions of a friend is to suffer the punishments that we should like, but are unable, to inflict upon our enemies."--Aldous Huxley "Hellow, u wanna be my girlfriend mabe?" "Uh, do you mean maybe or babe?"--some guy I was chatting with on Yahoo and me correcting his horrible typing. You can bet no matter whether he meant "maybe" or "babe" I said no. "I am a tolerant person...I oppose gay marriage."--George W. Bush (he said these two HUGELY contradictory statements practically in the same breath during the second debate. See my response in the Quotes that I've said section.) Elephant: Psst! Vote for me! My dad was the president. Donkey: Big deal. MY dad was a SENATOR. Elephant: People say I look like my dad. Once my mom thought I was my dad. Donkey: I invented lots of things. Like the internet. Uh-huh. Elephant: I sound like my dad on the phone. And we have the same name—my dad and I. Donkey: Space shuttle. That was mine. Elephant: We wear the same pants, my dad and I. Donkey: I invented pants. (this is from the Snickers commercial where the guy goes into the voting booth and the little cartoon elephant and donkey climb on his head and talk to him...that is the FUNNIEST commercial! My cousin and I added our own lines to this commercial and performed it for our parents, including her dad...a Republican. ^^; He liked it, though. I played Bush, and I got to talk about my brother, the "govderner of the state of the Texas". ^^;;;) "Is Gore going to elect again?"--a kid on the bus (God I hope not...if we have an "Indecision 2004" I'm moving to Ireland and not coming back. I want Lieberman and Gray Davis to run...not that I'd vote for them, but...) "He's probably the least qualified person ever to be nominated by a major party...What is his accomplishment? That he's no longer an obnoxious drunk?"--Ron Reagan (former president's son and a fellow Nader supporter, yay) on Bush (and it's true, sadly enough, and even sadder, we elected this unqualified loser) "Only Al Gore can beat Al Gore. And he's been doing a pretty good job of that."--Ralph Nader-sama (which is true, Nader didn't steal any votes from Gore, Gore caused his own defeat by being such a brain dead loser that he can't even beat Mr. Subliminable Japanian) "It would be 'Wow,' but the W's were removed so now it's just 'o.'"--President Subliminable Japanian's press secretary, about the thing where Clinton's people took all the W's from the keyboards. "So, as you head off into the sunset or whatever..."--one of my mom's friends "If you want to know what a man's like, take a look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals."--Sirius Black (he's got the right idea, there, doesn't he?) "Ever notice that 'what the hell' is always the right decision?"--Marilyn Manson (he's actually sort of cool...I saw him on Politically Incorrect and he's not that bad really) "The smart man can pick up a grain of sand and envision a whole universe, but the stupid man will find some seaweed and roll around until he's covered and go 'Look! I'm the Vine Man!'"--I have no idea where this came from... "Wormtail, I need somebody with brains, somebody whose loyalty has never wavered, and you, unfortunately, fulfill neither requirement."--Voldemort "Just then Neville caused a slight diversion by turning into a large canary."--from "The Goblet of Fire" "Know thyself? If I knew myself I'd run away."--Goethe (frankly, I'd run away from myself too...) "Oh, Jesus Mister Christ."--a character in Evolution's Shore, the book I'm currently reading (this is cute, I'm gonna start saying this) "I smelled the rope, though, my nose smell big!"--Fondu, a gully dwarf (from Dragonlance, which Sarah convinced me to read) "We've got all the gully dwarves we could ever need!" "And how many is that? Two?"--more characters from Dragonlance, Tas and Gisella (gully dwarves can only count to two) "Where you get hair? Hair not come that color. It pretty. You pretty."--Fondu again (he was funny) "Monkey the Rat."--grafitti we saw in Kildare (creative, innit?) "Today it's going to be sunny in some part of the country, so to celebrate let's play a summer song! *plays "Walking on Sunshine"*"--a guy on the radio in Ireland (it gets above 60, they break out the shorts and tank tops. Crazy people.) "Daijoubu ne!" "No it's not! My legs are about to fall off and that is certainly NOT daijoubu!"--kendo class... "Error has been caught."--um, an error message on fanfiction.net. I gotta say, that's a new one. Points for originality for that one. "Who packed your bags? Allah? That's not a good sign."--Bill Maher (no, this does not go under TV quotes because I saw his live stand-up show in San Diego...Escondido, actually. Woohoo!) "You know, I never could find this La Hoya place. I found La Jolla, but..."--from Bill's stand-up show again (okay, you kind of have to be a San Diegan to get this...and you'd have to have heard him actually say it, THEN it sounds funny. Ha ha, I was born in La Jolla! Bill mentioned my birth city! How "Six Degrees of Separation" is that?) "It just sounded tinny, and odd, and...I don't know. Maybe I sound tinny and odd. Tinny and Odd! I have all their albums!"--Nathan Lane, from the "Producing the Producers" video (which somehow we ended up with three copies of, even though we originally only wanted one, to watch and then give to Natalie. *puzzles over extra video* Hmm...well, it'd make a nice coaster...) "Mum! How really corking to see you!"--Fred Weasley (man, this is another cute phrase I have to start using...saying stuff is "corking". And "spiffing", of course.) "I'm a suitcase, I'm a suitcase, I'm a suitcase through and through, I would rather be a suitcase than an old bag like you."--our bus driver on Maui teaching us funny songs. "Suitcase" and "old bag" can be substituted for other things, like "palm tree...coconut", "lobster...old crab", "cupcake...twinkie", and my personal favorite, "donkey...jackass" ^-^ This is sung to the tune of "Clementine", by the way, in case you want to _really_ annoy people.) "At what point did the love that dare not speak its name become the love that won't shut the hell up?"--Snape from a fanfic...damn, I forget the author, but the title was "Pride", anyway. "Who told you that you could sit here?" "George W. Bush. It's part of the war effort."--Tom (Irish dance teacher) talking to Ellie (Mom's friend). Okay, longish story. See, we were going to the theater with Ellie, but it was gonna be after Irish dance class, so Ellie thought she could just wait and watch me dance. Tom had other ideas. He actually kicked her out of the studio, and the "war effort" stuff she didn't actually say, but she thought of it after the fact (dontcha hate when that happens?) "Sir, we have a situation here. There is a wild fandango loose in the theater. Watch out! *making scary face* Grr!"--the funny guy in the advertisements for Fandango.com that you always see before the movies. (heh, that guy rocks) "The ‘Love that dare not speak its name’ in this century is such a great affection of an elder for a younger man as there was between David and Jonathan, such as Plato made the very basis for his philosophy, and such as you find in the sonnets of Michelangelo and Shakespeare. It is that deep, spiritual affection that is as pure as it is perfect. It dictates and pervades great works of art like those of Shakespeare and Michelangelo, and those two letters of mine, such as they are. It is in this century misunderstood, so much misunderstood that it may be described as the ‘Love that dare not speak its name,’ and on account of it I am placed where I am now. It is beautiful, it is fine, it is the noblest form of affection. There is nothing unnatural about it. It is intellectual, and it repeatedly exists between an elder and a younger man, when the elder man has intellect, and the younger man has all the joy, hope, and glamour of life before him. That it should be so the world does not understand. The world mocks at it and sometimes puts one in the pillory for it."--Oscar Wilde...yeah, I know that was a long quote, but it's one of my favorites of his. He said this during his trial, and yeah, I _know_ it only refers to male/male relationships, but it's just so cool...man, how ahead of his time was HE, huh? "O execrable facts, that keep our lips from kissing, though our souls are one."--Oscar Wilde in a letter to his wife (god, this quote almost makes me cry...) "The problem with defending the purity of the English language is that English is about as pure as a cribhouse whore. We don’t just borrow words; on occasion, English has pursued other languages down alleyways to beat them unconscious and rifle their pockets for new vocabulary."--I have no idea as to the source of this, but I heard it in someone's signature on the Silent Dreams UBB "You don't love someone for their looks. You love them because they sing a song only you can understand."--another person's signature, so I don't know who originally said it...it's cute, though. "No one likes prairie dogs, do they?" "No. Prairie dogs, rats, and rabbits...they're like the Rodent Axis of Evil."--guys on the radio "You believe in love but you often overlook it, as you're too busy practicing self-sacrifice. Or you'e just dumb."--the results of a quiz I took, the Which Chess Piece Are You? one. I'm the white pawn. I suck. "Your personal philosophy is...feck."--one of my answers for the aforementioned quiz back |